


Pondering

by wulfeyes08



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, Fluff, Hannibal Lecter Loves Will Graham, Introspection, M/M, Will Graham Loves Hannibal Lecter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:28:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26023453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wulfeyes08/pseuds/wulfeyes08
Summary: He had been changed for better or for worse, transformed into something more than the Ripper or the Cannibal or Dr. Lecter. He had found a sort of twisted humanity in knowing him, in being subjected to his empathy, but it was humanity, nonetheless.
Relationships: Will Graham & Hannibal Lecter, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Kudos: 40





	Pondering

**Author's Note:**

> This is the word equivalent of a doodle. I wanted to give Hannibal a moment to do some reflecting.

The truth, was that he was an incredibly immature individual. For all the effort he put into his carefully cultivated mask, he was still emotionally stunted. He remembered the exact moment he had lost himself, when he had locked away those feelings that he perceived as weak and useless. It had been the day Mischa’s life ended. It had been the start of a new truth; emotions were useless things, love could be torn from you, and opening your heart got you nothing but pain. That had held true for as long as he could remember. To bare his soul meant to open those doors, and to open those doors meant being broken once again. He fell into his desires, into darkness, into an animalistic want that would never truly be sated.

He had chosen to consume others, to hunt them down, and devour them in more ways than one. They were nothing, but they could provide something. They filled a void in him he tried to pretend didn’t exist. That was, until he had met Will. Oh, he toyed with him, twisted and broke and hurt him. He had only meant for it to be a game, a short one at that, but the attraction never relinquished its hold and he had gone from curious to obsessed to loving and needing him. 

Love. It was a feeling so foreign to him he had not recognized it until it was explained to him. He had felt the ache, like a sharp, ripping, twisting pain in his chest. It had gripped him, clung to him, wrapped around and threatened to drive him to madness. It was then that he realized the true feeling behind the pain and wounds he had inflicted. It had not been a mere betrayal to him, but also a broken heart. He had been forced to confront both his past and present, to remember the inciting incident of his inability to understand his own emotions. Will had made him feel so much; love, rage, possessiveness, jealousy, even sorrow. He had fled from the man, but his pain had followed him, leading him to take his anger out on someone who looked very similar to the object of his deepest desires. 

It had been harder to hide the prickling sting of his feelings after that. He wanted to see Will, but at the same time he wished to hide. Every time he set eyes on him, it was like a fire had been lit within him, a fire that threatened to swallow them both. He would be lying if he didn’t admit that it thrilled him. It made all the agony worth it. So, when he selfishly decided to pull Will back to him, he had done so without regret. He would rather be burnt alive, than live without him, than feel that emptiness again. 

Then had come the cliff. He remembered the icy bite of the water, how it had filled his lungs and dragged him under. He couldn’t forget the darkness edging into his vision, sweeping over him and claiming his consciousness. Then he had awoke, alive with Will there. He would never be able to erase the look of relief and anger from his memories. Things had become much clearer then. To fall and rise together, to claim and be claimed, to finally understand his love for the other, had been beautiful to behold. 

“Hannibal?” 

Fingers snapping in front of his face and the all too familiar voice pulled him from his thoughts, and he looked up from his sketchbook. “Yes?”

“Are you alright?”

“I was simply allowing my mind to wander.”

“To what exactly?”

“Thoughts of you, of course.” 

“Not too bad I hope.”

“Never.” He sat his pencil down. “Forgive me for neglecting you.” He smiled. “Did you need something?”

“For you to come and eat.”

“I would have made something for you if you had asked.”

“You looked busy.” He shrugged. “It’s nothing fancy, a chicken and pesto sandwich, but at least you won’t be hungry.”

“I’ll be right there.”

He watched as Will walked away, contemplating how much he had truly discovered in their time together. He had been changed for better or for worse, transformed into something more than the Ripper or the Cannibal or Dr. Lecter. He had found a sort of twisted humanity in knowing him, in being subjected to his empathy, but it was humanity, nonetheless. He stood, leaving his sketchbook to go have lunch with the only person he had ever thought to give himself to, knowing he could once again be cast aside into darkness, but unable to let go due to his own self-centered wants. 

As he sat down to the sandwich Will had thrown together, and it had been thrown together, he felt complete. “Chesapeake.” Will called to the dog, pulling off a piece of chicken and giving it to him. “Good boy.” Such a simple act, but done with so much care. It was another thing he admired about him, how much he cared about the small things. His empathy gave him an insight into others that Hannibal himself would never understand. Even when he spoke to people, when he guided them through therapy, he still fell short emotionally. “Not good?” Will’s voice snapped him to attention.

“Let’s find out.” He took a bite, chewing, savored the taste. “Simple and straight forward, much like you, it’s perfect.”

“It’s just a sandwich.”

“But a sandwich made with love is more than just a sandwich.” His teasing was rewarded with a smile. 

“You’re welcome then.” He would continue to enjoy their time together, even if it did end with another fall.


End file.
